What belongs to who, and who feels entitled to their most valuable possession, the house?’
During the painful process of a divorce, both sides would like to finalize their divorce and ‘get it over & done with’ as soon as possible, so both spouses can move on with their lives. Oftentimes irreconcilable differences tend to carry on the process longer than expected, especially when it comes to a mutual agreement over assets.
Arbitrating an agreement between spouses regarding who keeps the home is a difficult issue to resolve. There are multiple topics to consider such as the emotional attachment to the house and whether children are involved. Many restless and sleepless nights follow when burdened with the responsibility of whether to keep the home for the sake of the children or sell it outright, for profit or for spite. This is a decision both parties must come together in agreement or realize they will face a long litigious battle in court.
I Am Staying but You Have to Go!
If you’re in the process of getting a divorce, both parties may very well be past the point of ‘no return’. In most cases finances are at the root of most marriages failing, coupled with the inability to effectively communicate. There are also other determining factors & outside influences that help to instigate the eventual split & separation of a marriage. The seed and idea of divorce may imbed itself in one, if not both partners, and the relationship begins the slow process of decay.
‘Two opposing forces cannot occupy the same space at the same time’.
One stays and the other must go, or else there may be unwanted consequences if both parties refuse to leave. You must have a strategy and a damn good reasons as to why you want to keep the home. A judge may lean towards settling the house for the spouse that cares for & maintains the children the majority of the time, considering the safety & stability for the children’s welfare and future.
Dreading Every Minute. When Will This Nightmare End?
Vitriol and acrimonious behavior fester and boil to a feverish pitch when there is a dissolution in marriage. The emotional and mental toll of enduring the presence of someone that you have come to despise & detest may at times (more often than not) becomes unbearable.
‘Being the bigger person means you have to ‘suck it up buttercup’.
When waking up & going to sleep with a failed marriage, destroys more than just your confidence, but also the ideals and principles a person holds dear to their heart, which has completely shattered. Statistics show financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases. Familiarity breeds contempt and the preface for abuse comes into the equation, having an easy outlet for projecting disappointment and dissatisfaction, which both parties may attribute to their partners failing to keep the marriage intact.
Just Maybe, Every Cloud Had A Silver Lining?
Ok! ‘Let’s try to work this out’. In a perfect world these words are music to the ears! This is a more agreeable and favorable resolution in a divorce scenario. Rather than go through the rigorous desert of litigation that leaves all parties involved desolate and broken, ‘mature minded’ couples know each other well enough to talk and work things out, unlike their marriage (A bit of humor).
‘Considering ‘every cloud has a silver lining’, or something along those proverbial lines’.
I digress, but it is important to maintain some form of civility and open line of communication where both parties can dialogue to pave the path to a beneficial resolution. Of course, if children are present, both parents are thinking of the future of their children. More than likely, both parties will come to the agreement to have the children stay in the home they grew up in, rather than rip them from their home and run the high risk of have them to suffer prolonged emotional trauma – just because ‘mommy and daddy couldn’t agree on who keeps the house’.
Stay ‘In The Know’ So You Don’t Get Side Blinded
Research pays off in the end. Researching divorce cases and other subject matter relating to separation and divorce can help to relieve some of the stress & anxiety of going through this traumatic experience. If both parties cannot or refuse to come to a settlement agreement regarding the house, in most cases one spouse will initiate the divorce by retaining a family law attorney to file the necessary documents in a court of law. This protects both parties legally but ultimately leave the court to make the hardline decisions that both spouses could not come to terms with and agree on during arbitration. Go to your local public law library in your state and research what laws are in place that will decide the fate of which spouse will get the house.
“If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” – Albert Einstein.
There are nine community property states in the United States. There are unknown variables as to how the judge will preside over your case. For example, there are states that implement divorce-related automatic restraining orders. These orders legally stop each spouse from selling or mortgaging the home during divorce proceedings. If the property is in your name and not your spouses, you still may not be allowed to sell the home without your spouse’s approval or may need court approval. It would be in the best interest of both parties to consult a well-versed professional family law attorney in your state. You can avoid a lot of unnecessary problems by making the right decisions.
Learn more about this issue on The Family Home in Divorce.
Make Sure to Have Deep Pockets
Caring for and maintaining a family in most cases, can be a wonderful experience. Expenditures towards a mortgage, food, clothing, and recreation comes as second nature when there is unity in a home. However, the cost of a divorce can financially ruin one the other spouse.
‘The average cost of a divorce proceeding if it goes to trial, is on average $20,000’.
Moving forward in a divorce without an attorney (in majority of cases) is not recommended, the average cost is less than $1,000. There are other expenses to consider that can tally up the expenses of a divorce. Contested issues may be relative when it concerns child related disputes, or alimony disputes, and property disputes.
In conclusion it is cost effective to settle the disputes with your spouse, rather than going to trial which can double or triple the cost court
For more information on contested issues check out lawyer.com survey results on divorce with child-related disputes, divorce with alimony disputes, and divorce with property disputes.
The End Of One Thing Leads to the Beginning of Another.
Everything is going to be all right. It is a cliché that you may not want to hear or understand, considering the hell you went through in a divorce. In most cases it takes roughly 24 months for divorcees to stabilize and get their life back to ‘normal’.
‘The end of one thing leads to the beginning of another’.
The overwhelming feeling of anxiety & grief and anger & depression may be the symptoms of the aftermath of a divorce. Studies show the emotional process can be broken down into 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Knowing how to pick up the pieces can help determine the outcome of an individual’s emotional and mental state of mind & being. The psychological effects can be mitigated with spiritual & professional counseling and programs to help divorcees cope with and rebuild their lives.
Remember, as long as you are alive and have the proper attitude, I firmly believe ‘everything is going to be all right’.
